Very short funny jokes - Best puns (20)

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.

What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg?
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Hop in.

Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

Jokes about unemployed people are not funny. They just don't work.

A guy was admitted to hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.
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His condition is now stable.

PEPISCO: Why is there music coming out of your printer?
EGGISTU: That will be the paper jamming again!

I’m getting really claustrophobic in elevators. I’ve had to start taking steps to avoid it.

I dig, he digs, she digs, you dig, we dig…the poem may not be beautiful, but it's certainly very deep.

PEPISCO: Why do mathematicians tend to marry larger women?
EGGISTU: Because they like curves.

"Your shit is my daily bread." ~ Michael, 36, Sewage worker

"Wherever I go, I’m greeted with much warmth." ~ Derek, 53, Fireman

I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today. He said “Dream on.” I think that was really nice of him.

Two wi-fi antennas got married last Saturday. The reception was fantastic.

It’s not nice making fun of fat people; They’ve got enough on their plates as it is.

Why don’t teddy bears ever really eat at their picnics?
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Because they’re already stuffed.

Two egotists started a fight. It was an I for an I.

Notice on a shoe repair shop:
 .
I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.

I was trying to catch some fog earlier but I mist.

Toilet paper plays an important role in my life.

Why are programmers no fans of the outdoors?
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There are too many bugs.

I’d love to know how the Earth rotates. It would totally make my day.

He had his left leg and arm amputated after a car crash; He's all right now.

I wanted to tell you a joke about leeches. But I won’t – they all suck.

Is it really wise to invest with somebody called a "broker"?

Do you know how Moses makes his tea? Hebrews it!

A bacon sandwich walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.  “Sorry,” growls the bartender, “we don’t serve food here.”

How to achieve a beach body?
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1. Have a body
2. Arrive at the beach.

Does your wife scream when she is coming?
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No, my wife has a key to the door.